Moved to Wordpress

Thank you for coming to my blog. I have moved to a new site on Wordpress to host my blog.  So, any new posts can be found at purplebuoy.wordpress.com.  Be blessed:)

Preemie momma

Our NICU Miracle

November 17 is World Prematurity Awareness Day. In honor of that, I will be wearing purple and would like to tell a little bit about my preemie coming into the world

I had heard of the March of Dimes, but never paid attention. Honestly, I didn't pay attention, wasn't affected, and didn't know anyone affected by premature birth. That changed in July of 2010. 

My pregnancy was a surprise and we were thrilled to find out we were having a boy. Our due date was early September. I was going to be pregnant all summer, but knew he was worth it. 

In early July, I was experiencing pain, and was told that baby was moving and I was growing and as long as I didn't have more than 6 contractions an hour, I didn't need to do anything different. I was frustrated. I felt like nobody believed me. Yes, I was getting bigger and yes, I would be uncomfortable, but this didn't feel right. 

On a Monday, I went shopping for a friend who was having a baby and due around the same time as me. Again, I was experiencing discomfort, but I was hoping to make it to my doctor appointment later in the week and talk to him about it. I didn't want to gain a lot of weight, so I forced myself to take the stairs and do what I could to get a little exercise in. Pregnant women do it all of the time, and I thought that I could to. I was being a wimp.  That Monday, everything changed. I felt my world had stopped and have never felt more afraid at anytime in my life as I did that day. I noticed some bleeding.

I was told to go to the hospital. After awhile, I was admitted. I had pre-term labor. They stopped it for a couple of days, but after my water broke, there was no stopping my son anymore.

My son was born 8 weeks early and stayed in the NICU 26 days. He is a miracle. I was able to get steroid shots that strengthened his lungs and he never had to see a Respiratory Therapist. Yes, those shots HURT, but worth it. Heparin shots are also not fun, but I didn't have blood clots.

I don't think that we will ever know why I had pre-term labor, but I am so glad for The March of Dimes and their tireless efforts to raise awareness and save babies.


Thank you to The March of Dimes, NICU staff, and God,  my son is now 2 years old and so much fun. He is healthy and thriving. Yes, we do have speech therapy, but I don't think it is due to prematurity.

I also want to say to those whose babies did not come home with them, my heart hurts for you and I am sorry. Please believe your angel is in Good hands~~His hands.

Be blessed:)

Stay~~My FMF post

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker at tales from a Gypsy Mama does what is called a Five Minute Friday. 5 minutes to write without abandon about one word that she gives us.It is fun! I encourage you to try it out.

Stay

I hear myself say this word a lot, or something like it, to my son. Being 2 is not easy and sitting still is even harder. Sometimes, you have to move. 
Staying in one place can be bad. 
Do I want to stay in this season of my marriage or do I want to be a better wife?
Do I want to be a better mom, or stay in the same place of frustration?
Do I want to stay bitter or get better? 
Do I want to stay here--stagnant--in my walk with God or move forward? Stepping out in faith, even when it gets hard and I have NO IDEA where He is taking me. 
Staying can be good or it can be bad. Holding a grudge and staying mad is not a good way to stay. 
Staying in God's good graces by accepting His grace, is a good way to stay.

Be blessed:) 

To our military~~thank you

Today, we celebrate Veteran's Day. On this day, we express our appreciation to those who serve. I will be the first to admit that I really can't express enough gratitude to those who serve our country. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

I do also want to take a moment and speak to military wives.  My heart goes out to you. To those women who never know if their husbands are coming home, please know that I appreciate your sacrifice. I am no way going to say that I understand what you are going through. For the work you put into your home, trying to be "normal" is something I can't comprehend. For trying to keep the spirits up of your kids and those around you while praying your husband comes home. Military wives, I admire you. You are heroic. So I wanted to say thank you. Thank you to your husbands for serving abroad to keep our country safe and fight for freedom. Thank you wives, for how you are serving, here at home. Please know that your service here at home is not in vain. YOU are loved and I wanted you to know that you are not overlooked or forgotten. You sacrifice normalcy so we can have freedom. For that, I am grateful to you.

For the wives who are now caring for their husbands wounded during combat~~I also admire you. For your love and dedication to your husband, I pray that you have strength to face the day together.

For the wives who lost their husbands serving our country~~I pray that you find strength to face the day. You and your family paid the ultimate sacrifice and my heart aches for you.

I know that there are husbands whose wives serve. I say the same. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! I know you are trying to provide normalcy that I am unable to comprehend. Please know that you are appreciated, loved, and I am grateful to you also.

For the military women who are serving our country abroad~~I want you to know that I admire your bravery and sacrifice for your country. You are women that young girls can look up to. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Finally, for the moms whose children are serving our country. You truly know that it means to let your babies go and I pray comfort for you, especially to you moms who have had to say good-bye forever. I know it isn't suppose to be that way. I am not going to say I understand. All I can say is I am so sorry and I mourn with you.

To all our military personnel~~THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU and Happy Veteran's Day.

God,
   Thank you for those who serve our country. Thank you for their sacrifices and for the sacrifices of their family and friends. Father, You know their needs and I ask that you meet them according to Your will. I pray for strength, comfort, healing, and peace that only You can give. Please bless them. Please help them know they are loved and appreciated. In Jesus' name, Amen

Be blessed:)

The problem with quiet~~FMF Post

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker at tales from a Gypsy Mama does what is called a Five Minute Friday. 5 minutes to write without abandon about one word that she gives us.It is fun! I encourage you to try it out.



There is a lot of info about how quiet time is needed and important. I am not opposed to quiet time. I know I need it when searching scripture or praying.
However, quiet time, for me can be bad. If I am not busy, I focus on what I don't have instead of being grateful for what I do. I am trying to break out of this horrible habit (and self-pity is so ugly).

Boredom is dangerous for me. It leads to loneliness which causes my emotions to spiral downward. I am a social person. I love to converse with others (which is why it is so hard for me with my son who is severely speech delayed).

So, I got very excited when I was putting things in my calendar. Not only will I have things to do, but I am hoping it leads to some new friendships for me, my son, and my husband.

Maybe God has had me go through this season of quietness/boredom for a reason. Maybe it is my own fault. I don't know.
If you can, please pray that we do make connections with people. I would love play dates for my son so  he can make friends.

Be blessed:)

Grace of a Child

Everything about motherhood has been a surprise starting with becoming a mom. I didn’t think I could get pregnant again after my miscarriage without some outside help. 

Then suddenly, surprise, I was pregnant!  So pregnancy was my first surprise (and a welcome one at that). 

Besides being sick for the first 4-5 months, pregnancy was going well. My husband and I were so happy to discover we were having a boy. I was excited for three reasons. First, I was going to be the only girl which meant I was going to be the princess. Second, we had a boy named picked out. I saw the name Declan in a book I had read many years before and my husband Matt and I both fell in love with it. Lastly, we were told that boys are so much fun! 

It was during my 31st week of pregnancy that Declan gave us another surprise. He wanted out! I went into the hospital where they were able to stop my labor for three days, but that was all. I delivered our son at 32 weeks gestation. I was NOT ready to be a mom because he was not supposed to be here yet. So began our short journey (26 days) in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).

I was not surprised once we got home at lack of sleep and increase in fear and questions. Am I doing this right, am I ready to be a mom? (Too late, I know, but the question remained).  What did surprise me are my son’s delays in development. EVERYONE has said that he will catch up and don’t worry.  Now at the age of 2 and still delayed in some areas, thankfully people have stopped assuming. Yes, he is in speech therapy and we do what we can, but the reality is, we don’t know what the future holds for our sweet, lovable boy. On the other hand there are many ways that he is like other boys -- he likes to climb, get dirty, pick up rocks, roughhouse, and push his limits. 

This leads to my biggest surprise -- I need GRACE EVERYDAY, sometimes multiple times a day, from my son. I don’t know how many times I have had to apologize to him (and he is only 2). It isn’t just the fact that I am a rookie mom. Declan is a strong-willed, energy-filled boy, but with delays. I get frustrated because we can’t communicate well. I get frustrated because he isn’t learning or understanding and the fear that comes with it makes me push him when he isn’t ready or doesn’t understand. I need to love him and give it all I have, and then some. I firmly believe God does give me the ability, but I do not cling to Him for help as often as I should. I also need to apologize to Declan when I do not give him time and attention when I could have. Instead of playing with him or sitting at the table while he eats (even if I am not), I am on the computer. I need his grace for the times I am selfish, fearful, frustrated, and plain old honest mistakes -- such as no milk with meal or forgetting a bib at meal times. FYI -- he is in bed for the night while I type this :)

Since Declan has come into our lives just two short years ago, I never knew the amount of grace I would need from him already. I knew I was not going to be perfect, but I had no idea how many ways I would fail him. It makes me appreciate my Heavenly Father so much more, not just His grace but how often He lavishes it on me. 

I am so humbled, honored, and amazed at the privilege that God has given me to be Declan’s mom. He chose me! What a gift! What a blessing! 

Thank you Declan for giving me, this rookie mom, a lesson in grace on a daily basis.   You teach me to lean on The Father’s love and appreciate His grace more and more.

Be blessed:) 

Are my roots strong?

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker at tales from a Gypsy Mama does what is called a Five Minute Friday. 5 minutes to write without abandon about one word that she gives us.It is fun! I encourage you to try it out.

Roots

All of us have roots--starting points if you will. Some of us want to hide ours or wish we had different ones.
Roots, in nature, are used to nourish. To help grow. Give life. Make better.
Is that what I am doing as a mom? Am I helping my son grow? Is he better because of me?
He is only 2, so he doesn't see that I am trying to lead him in the right direction.
In my last post, I said that I wanted to give him roots and wings. I am trying to make a home where he feels safe, where he is growing. I hope that he is rooted in Jesus, but at the same time, I hope that I give him wings to fly, not rooted so much that he feels guilty when it is time for him to go out and plant his own roots and I hope he will be proud of me and my husband--his roots.

Be blessed:)

Lessons for Declan

As a mom, I have a big job to do. So here are a few things I hope to pass along.

Spiritually...

1. Take God with you in your heart. Let Him guide you. He already sees what is going on, so live to please Him.
2. Do not let fear guide you. Listen to The Holy Spirit.
3. Do not judge. This doesn't mean acceptance, it means love. 
4. Stand up for what is right.
5. Do not hold a grudge.
6. Love yourself enough to not pollute your mind with images that you would not want your minister, mother, or anyone else to see.

If you marry...

1. Do NOT bring home a bimbo. Women have worked too hard in past generations for us to act flighty/stupid/demeaning of ourselves. Find one who respects herself.
2. You will get your heart broken. Remember the feeling--you may be on the other side. 
3. When you find "the one", please go easy on me. I have been the primary woman in your life and now, someone else is the primary.
4. Love yourself enough to wait. Virginity is a gift that can only be given once
5. Find a wife who will love you more than she loves anyone else here on earth, including kids, if you have them. Marry a "God's Girl".
6. Chivalry is not dead. If you think it is, resurrect it.
7. When a lady walks in or approaches the table, stand up. Do not sit down until all ladies at the table have been seated. 
8. Love no matter what. No matter what it costs, bumps in the road, you may need to sacrifice. When you love, give it all you have!
9. Never stop dating your wife. Put in effort and find a sitter if you have kids.
10. Surprise those you love. Show them you are listening. 

Socially...

1. When you go somewhere, be someone you would want to meet, not someone you regret and would not want to be around. 
2. Sometimes, you will need to be the bigger person.
3. You will disagree with others---do it respectfully.
4. Apologize without excuses. Own it! 
5. WRITE and have face-to-face conversations as much as possible. 
6. Be a friend to everyone.

Additionally...

1. Please know that I have given you roots and wings. You can always come back after you have left the nest.
2. When you tell me that I don't understand what you are going through, you might be right. Give me patience, grace, and try to help me understand. I am here to help.
3. When it comes to patience, look to your dad. He is the most patient man I know.
4. Never stop learning.
5. Rules are there for a reason, but sometimes you can dare to be different.
6. Don't look back. Learn from your mistakes, learn from your past, and move on!
7. Try your best to handle your finances responsibly.
8. Laugh often.
9. You are loved and always will be.

Yes, I know there are more and I would love to hear what you would add. 

Be blessed:)

The Awkward Visitor

Have you ever been the new person? Have you ever felt like the awkward visitor? Do you know what I a talking about? When you drop off your kids in the nursery at a new church and nobody says anything outside of what is necessary. They will make necessary introductions and help you get settled in, but that is it. It feels as if they are trying to catch up with their friends because there isn't enough time to do it during the week.  There has been ONE time that someone has gone out of her way, above and beyond, to help us out at a church.

My husband and I have been back around the area where we grew up 4 years now and you know what? I am just now starting to feel less awkward. I really thought we would make connections, but honestly, I think everyone seems like they are already established with friends and there is no room to grow their "social circle".  We have been blessed with one set of friends since being here (and we are VERY grateful for them). Finally, I have happy news.

I have since found a MOPS group that is fabulous! Our fearless leader Kris Camealy and her team is amazing. I look forward to our meetings twice a month with this great group of moms. We all have different backgrounds and a few are working on speaking English, but they all bless me. I feel as if the common bond of motherhood is all we have in common, but it is enough. I am not kidding when I say this has been a breath of fresh air.

Another place I am finding community is a ladies Bible Study that Rachel Wojnarowski leads. We are finishing Unglued and will start up again in the winter. I love that we all come from various churches around the area. They have been so welcoming and open -- another breath of fresh air.

The best thing about these groups of ladies--they have made me feel so welcomed, and not like an awkward visitor. They are such a blessing to me and I hope to be a blessing to them!

This has been such a wake-up call for me! We need to be intentional with welcoming people. I can catch up with a friend by phone, social media, or even over coffee (my personal favorite). We need to go out of our way, step out of our comfort zone, to try to let visitors know they are welcomed -- especially in church. It is because of that one person that I mentioned earlier that my family has continued to come back to the church we are attending.

What else can we do? Honestly, I am not a shy person so I didn't think it would be hard to make connections. I don't know what to tell the introvert. Any advice on how to help an introvert is welcomed here. I do not find it difficult at all to go new places and meet new people. I LOVE doing it!!

As a visitor, if you feel like you found a church that you can grow, learn, and make connections, then I say try and start conversations with other Church members.  Or, find a ministry that you can get involved in. I think that most churches have pastors that would like to meet with you and help you get connected.  But, we have to do our part too. It may not be after the first visit or even a few visits, but listen to the Holy Spirit's prompting. I guarantee, He wants to help  you find a church home.


Prayer requests--to make more friends--feel like part of a community. For my husband to make more friends. For us to be a blessing to others and of course, make new people feel welcomed.

Be blessed:)

What do you see when you look at me?

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker at tales from a Gypsy Mama does what is called a Five Minute Friday. 5 minutes to write without abandon about one word that she gives us.It is fun! I encourage you to try it out.

This week, the word is LOOK. So here we go

What do you see when you look at me?

That is a question that I need to ask more often, no matter how painful the answer.
I wonder how my 2 year old would answer? Would he say he has a mommy that loves him or one that is too impatient?

What would my husband say if I asked him? I am striving to look more like a Proverbs 31 wife.
I also need to be loving and offer grace.

If people visit my blog--what do they see? Do you see a women who is trying to be better? To be a better servant to her Master or do you see selfishness?

I hope when you look at me, you see a wife, mother, and an encourager.
What am I striving to be when you look at me? A woman saved by grace--you see Him and not me.
Be blessed:)

Race #FMF post

                                                              Race

When I saw that the word was race, I immediately thought of comparison, not competition.
I compare myself to people in my profession and bloggers. I saw a quote recently

Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle. Jon Acuff

Was this a sign? To keep going? I still don't know, but I do know that I shouldn't compare myself to others. Life is NOT a race or competition.

So I need to stop comparing my son to other kids his age. Life is not a race.
I need to stop comparing my role as a mom to other moms. Life is not a race.
I need to stop comparing where I am spiritually with other believers. Life is not a race.
I need to appreciate where I am in. Right here. Right now and savor the beauty that is in front of me.
Be blessed:)

How I am Helping my husband

Today, I have the honor and privilege of being over at Unveiled Wife sharing how I am helping my husband. I would love it if you visited her blog and leave a comment on what you thought. Be blessed:)

Welcome

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker at tales from a Gypsy Mama does what is called a Five Minute Friday. 5 minutes to write without abandon about one word that she gives us.It is fun! I encourage you to try it out.

Welcome


It is a welcome sight. When you have been away for any length of time, you are happy to see it.
My son's smile. My husband's friendly face. The ocean. A friend.
When you have not had it, you appreciate it more.
It is more than a sign on a door or a place to wipe your feet. It is a glimpse of what is inside. I hope to communicate that we are a happy home who love to welcome people. A safe haven. A sight and atmosphere that make people happy.
When I get to heaven, I am excited to hear welcome (in my Savior's words) and have Him introduce me to the baby I lost and never had a chance to meet.
My ears will welcome the day my son starts to talk and we can communicate.

Being refined is hard!

Have you ever asked God to help you with something only to seem like it is harder?
Let me explain.
There is a book that I read called The Power of a Praying Wife. It is a good book and I recommend it. I was expecting good advice and hoping to be a better wife after reading this book. What I didn't expect was how my marriage seemed to be coming under attack! I didn't understand it at the time and honestly, I don't know when the revelation came, but something occurred to me. Satan does not like this.
Satan wants us to fail. 1 Peter 5:8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

God is all-knowing and I believe He knows what is best for me. Even when I don't ask for help, He helps anyway:) I am not a patient person and I don't ask for patience. I don't want to be in situations where I need it, but sometimes, God has other plans  (Long line at grocery store with crying toddler, waiting for answer to prayers, dead battery, just to name a few) 1Peter 1:6-7 So be truly glad.^[b] There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. ⁷ These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

So what to do?
Pray! Pray harder! God is fighting for me and wants me to win.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 Never stop praying.
James 5:16  Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Think on Scripture. 
1Corinthians 10:13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

Refinement is hard. One of the hardest things for me is when I have to go to someone and ask forgiveness. 

When we fall, He is there to pick us up and start again when He offers grace.

God wants better for me. He has gifted some amazing writers to give us insights on what God has shown them.
You can pray for me, with me. We can't give up. God won't.
I would love to know what scripture gives you comfort when being refined. Please feel free to leave a comment.
Be blessed:)

Offering Grace

photo credit 

I have the privilege of attending a book study with a group of ladies led by Rachel Wojnarowski. The book is Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst. In her book, Lysa talks about imperfect progress. That phrase resonated with me, but in another way than what she was talking about.  When I read this phrase, what stood out to me the most was GRACE. I am offered grace from a forgiving Father, husband, and my son. In addition to that, I need to offer it. Matthew 6:14-15 says that we must forgive others in order for us to be forgiven.

I have struggles with resentment, guilt trips, and offering grace (forgiveness) when it comes to my husband. I expect him to be perfect and he isn't. NOBODY is. When he needs to talk to me about anything, I need to stop hurting him with words and offer grace. When he continually strives to be a better husband and we both work on making our marriage better, I need to remember that WE have been making imperfect progress.


GRACE. There is healing and relief with grace.
I need to receive it and I need to GIVE it.
I am so grateful for grace you would think that I would want to offer it more so people can have the same feeling of relief that I experience when I receive that precious gift.

I am grateful for imperfect progress because it is progress and everyone is equal. I am going to stumble at times and need help up. What I have to remember is that others will too and I may need to help them.

This book and study is helping me and has been such a blessing to me. I would encourage you ladies to read it.

Be blessed:)


P.S.-- Tonight a question was asked about progress, to compare it to a carnival ride. I was bumper cars. Henceforth, the photo:)

No matter what....

Maybe because my days of riding the baby train are coming to a close soon, but someone has come to my mind recently.

In November 2008, the day before Thanksgiving, my husband Matt and I had learned that we were pregnant. We were shocked and excited. We told family our parents and siblings the next day. We could NOT keep this to ourselves!

Right away, I made a doctor's appointment. They scheduled it the next month the day before my husband's birthday. What a gift!

I am, by nature, a pessimist. I know it doesn't help anybody or any situation, but I try to guard my heart against disappointment. So, leading up to ultrasound, I was nervous and felt like something was wrong. Everyone said I was wrong. When the doctor started the Ultrasound, I knew. We had lost our 1st baby.
It was devastating. No heartbeat. My fears were right. I wanted to be wrong. Hoping for a miracle, they did another Ultrasound on New Year's Eve. I felt pregnant--still really tired and sick, but our miracle was not to be ours yet. It was confirmed that our 1st baby had no heartbeat. We did everything right. This wasn't supposed to happen. That was the hardest Holiday Season for us--the death of our baby and the birth of our Savior. I am not saying it would have been easier at Easter, but we certainly we not in celebratory moods.

This was one of the hardest things in our marriage. I needed comfort, but so did my husband. We didn't know how to help each other. Nobody knew how to act or what to say, mainly out of fear. Fear of saying something inappropriate or fear of me breaking down.

I have been taught some valuable lessons.

• You can love someone, and mourn someone, you have never met
• No matter what the situation, God's value does NOT change. Good times, bad times, God is God.  It is strange---I was mad at Him, but I also needed His comfort, love, and healing that only He can give. His Word in Matthew 5:4 says God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
• I felt the comfort of prayers. When a co-worker said that she was praying for me, I knew it! I felt comfort that could come from nobody and nowhere else.
• Talk! It doesn't have to be long conversations. It can be short talks. Please, ask if they need anything or nervous about their D&C. It shows you care. If they don't want to talk about it, they will tell you. 
• If you know person well enough, send a card, letter, flowers, etc. They did just lose a loved one. 
• Ladies, ask what your husband needs. Men, hang on because hormones are HORRIBLE right now. 
• I can't blame myself. We live in a human/imperfect world. Our bodies are not perfect and bad things happen to them that are not always our fault. 

I am happy to say, I now have a son who is GREAT!! When asked, I have said that he is our firstborn. Those who have lost a child know what I am saying. We have one in heaven waiting for us. He or she has had the privilege of having the arms of our Heavenly Father wrapped around them. Yes, I wanted to first, but that baby is very blessed and I as a mom have one child that I do not worry about :)They are being taken very good care of.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Have you gone through a rough time? How did God or others come through for you?

Be blessed:)

A new direction

Have you ever been sure of something? There was no doubt the direction my life was headed.
I really thought that my family was going back to FL. My husband and I both sought God by praying and felt He was leading us back to a place where we used to live -- a place we missed and longed for.

We have been here in Ohio for 4 years and have not really felt connected. Loneliness set in and that is not something I am used to. I was a new mom and felt alone. We prayed for friends here, trying to get involved and plugged in. It shouldn't have been hard. We grew up not far from here, but we felt like outsiders -- cliques run rampant here! So, we put our house on the market and it didn't sell. Right now, we are seeking God asking "what did we miss?" Why did God lead us and get our hopes up just to keep us here? I am hoping to learn a lesson.

I have experienced a lot of heartache and disappointment since moving from friends and places I love. I want to experience those connections again here in Ohio. Where God has placed us. What will God teach me from this?

I may never get answers. If God says it, faith says that should be enough. Maybe I will get answers later. Maybe He will take us where we want to go. Where is that? Where He wants us.  God does have a plan.  Maybe He wants bigger blessings here. I want to be a blessing here.

I have now discovered a MOPS group and a new book study that I can get involved in. We have also joined in a small group at our church since my son now has a little more flexibility in his schedule.  Maybe this is where I can get connections. Maybe not. I am scared that hope will lead to heartache.
Why didn't God show me the mom's group earlier?

Please pray for connections for our family. My 2 year old needs friends and so do my husband and I.
Have you ever felt God threw you a curve ball? Did you find the blessings from the journey?
I am looking forward to this next chapter. I know I am expecting a lot, but God is great. Even through heartache.

How to focus through the haze

Five minutes---that is all. Write without abandon from one word that you are given on Friday. Five Minute Friday. Here we go!
The word is FOCUS

How can I focus when all I feel is pain? When I am judging because I have been hurt?
It is so hard to focus when my vision is clouded. How can I have better vision?
I need to love them like Jesus! Open His Word and search. We all have issues and it is NOT fair to focus on the bad and judge others. It is sin. Plain and simple. Matt. 7:1
Everyone needs love and I need to look through the haze of hurt, disappointment, etc. and focus on the good. I am not saying healing shouldn't take place, but focus on the good.
Pray. Pray for me and them. Haze can be lifted and beams of sunshine can come through if I focus on The Son. He wants to help and He wants me to focus on ME (ouch).

Be blessed:)  

The Blame Game

I am not athletic, but there is a game that I am good at -- The Blame Game. Personal responsibility is not my strong suite. I am trying to do better. Really I am, but I still have a long way to go.

Who do I blame when things go wrong?

Who	Why
Husband	He doesn't listen. He asks a question and I tell him the answer. If he doesn't remember, then it isn't my fault. Is he really paying attentino to me?
Son	When he doesn't listen or when he tests his limits. In a word--being 2 years old.
Parents	I can't help who I am. I was raised this way.
Strangers	Slow drivers when I am running late or a new cashier to name a couple.
God	When I don't get my way

If I am disappointed in the answer/direction God has for me, I blame Him. There are times I really think my life would be easier if I was able to do things my way;  but I really believe I would miss out on any lessons that I have learned.  Maybe God had me go through something to help others. I don't know.
I do know that it is easier to show sympathy and offer help to others who are going through what you have been through.
If we knew everything, then God wouldn't be God. Isaiah 55:8 says “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.”
So there I have it---too much for me. 
So I need to stop being on defense, and join His team. Will you join us?

Graceful

Five Minute Friday
Graceful

I took dance when I was in junior high, but you can't tell.
I became a Christian when I was 12, but with my recent struggle, I feel like I am a "baby Christian".
I feel like I look anything but graceful.
I have been receiving grace because I am clumsy. Thankfully, my Heavenly Father is here to catch me.
I can't watch dance because I compare---wishing I was better (then and now).
I am struggling with blogging because I compare. My words do not come out like the others. I am clumsy, not graceful.
My Savior is full of grace. (gracefull?)
I need to be more graceful to my husband and son. I need to shine His light and be graceful like He is.
I will stumble, but I need to let Him lead in this dance to become more graceful.

Resentment

The biggest struggle in my life is resentment. I have a hard time moving on when others have hurt me--intentionally or not. When I have been treated unfairly, I admit, I would love to get back at them. I want to do to them what they have done to me.

I will admit that there have been times that I have hurt others, but there have been a lot of mistakes made against me. If the person who wronged me doesn't pay or really seem sorry for what they have done, resentment creeps in my mind. I get upset all over again, even when I have moved on.

In my experience,  it is a lot easier for the offender to move on than the one that has been hurt.
When I was younger, I was in a bad relationship that I tried to get out of, but EVERYONE said to stay. It was horrible. There was no physical abuse, but there are scars leftover from the emotional, mental, and spiritual abuse from that relationship. This experience has taught me:

• Just because I was young people assumed that they knew better than me.  But, I knew what was best, and I should have done the right thing. It was so hard to have the world against me, but I should have listened to what God was saying to me.
• I was so hurt, by those who told me to stay with him and by him, but I had to forgive.  
• God had to help me heal.
• They had NO problem forgiving themselves. They said I had to move on. 
• Those who hurt me had NO problem moving on---they couldn't figure out why I had a hard time moving on. 
• They had a responsibility to let me heal and allow me to tell them what they did to me. How can we learn? There is a right and wrong way to go about this, but I feel it would have been easier to handle. I had to let go before I was able to move on. I could not let the mistakes that I made or the mistakes of others hold me back. I would not have been able to get married.

Things I have learned:

• The hurt may linger, just don't let it ruin you. 
• Scars are there, but you need to heal. This may be especially hard if there are life long consequences 
• People who hurt you may not care and you need to learn to live with that 
• Let it go and move on.  If people don't care, that does not matter -- I sill need to let it go.
• Sorry might be the only thing they can offer. Some things can't be fixed, but stewing about it won't make it go away.
• I want them to have regrets, but that doesn't make me better or the situation better
• YOU MUST FORGIVE NO MATTER WHAT (Matt.6:15) 
• Don't bring it up
• The relationship may not be the same. There is still forgiveness. You can have forgiveness without resentment and still remember.

If you have hurt people:

• OWN it. They may not forgive you, but do your part
• Be sincere. 
• Offer ways to help, but it has to be practical.
• Relationship may not be the same
• They may need space whether it is to grieve or just cool off for awhile--give it to them. YOU have done your part.
• They may NEVER get over it, but as long as you did your part, forgive yourself and learn from this.
• Don't let them throw it in your face

Forgiveness needs to be more powerful then resentment. Forgiveness frees us to start healing and to really live. So, I choose forgiveness. How about you? 

Letter to Declan

From the beginning, my husband Matt has been a great dad. He did what he could to help me with my pregnancy and post-partum and we are now on this journey of parenthood together. There is NOBODY else on earth I could do this with, so I wanted to tell my son just a little bit of why his dad is the best.
Dear Declan,
I wanted to take a moment and talk to you about your dad. I know you are only 2, but you already know that he is the best daddy EVER! He is the best storyteller and gives you a lot of attention after working hard all day.  What you may not remember was when mommy was in the hospital and they tried to stop you from being born too soon, daddy stayed every night at the hospital with us, took care of stuff at home, went to work, and back to us again until I went home. He has, and still, works hard to take care of us. We came to visit you everyday in the NICU--he HAD to at least see you everyday(and do did I). Your daddy was and is so proud of you! He couldn't help himself--he told the man working at the bagel store he had a son a day after you were born!
Your daddy also took care of the middle of the night feedings so mommy could sleep, even though he had to go to work the next day. (He still helps you in the middle of the night when you are cold or need anything). Your daddy is the most patient person I know and I am hoping that you will one day soon inherit this trait of his.  I know there will be days in your future when you disagree with him, but he will always be a champion for you---with prayer and whatever else he can do for you--he will always love you!
Another great trait of your daddy's---he loves me, your mommy, so much! He does whatever he can to make my life easier. Learn from him Declan because he is a great role model.
There are so many other things I could list, but I will stop here since you are 2 and have such a short attention span:)
Declan, I hope that you will soon one day understand  how fortunate we are to have him in our lives.
God has blessed us by allowing us to have him be a blessing in ours.
Love,
Mommy

Join #FiveMinuteFriday

Ok--5minute Friday--here we go.
I love meeting new people, trying new things, and facing (some) fears.
I have been struggling with loneliness since moving back here. Not a lot of friends and no connections.
Maybe that has happened for a reason. If I had a busy social life, I would not have followed bloggers and started one myself. It is intimidating joining something that is so out of my comfort zone and who does it so much better, but it led me to a couple of new groups that I will be joining next month. MOPS and a Bible study open to the community! Praise God! I am hoping to make friends and hopefully cure loneliness. Stepping out of my comfort zone and joining a community of talented writers and hoping to learn something from them. Stepping out in faith that God will allow me to be a blessing to others!

Blatant Disobedience

When I became a mother, my eyes were opened to one of my shortcomings--disobedience.

My son is now 2 years old, but he got an early start on testing his limits. I kept asking the question--why is he blatantly disobeying?  I had a light bulb moment and the question came to me--why do I blatantly disobey? I know right from wrong. I know that snapping at my husband or losing my temper is wrong, but I do it anyway.  I know that I should help others where I can, but I use my time and my money for myself. Why? Here is my list of excuses:

• Stress--when life gets piled up and feels out of control, it feels overwhelming. I hate when I have no control over situations and I get short-tempered.
• Mad that I don’t get my way--a.k.a pouting. Pouting usually leads to me doing things my way, or trying to. All I end up with is a bigger mess to and needing forgiveness.
• Frustrated at situation--I blame God when I don’t like something. He can control it to make it easier, but doesn’t. I take it out on my husband instead of waiting to see what God has in store.

Whatever the excuse, it never helps. It takes me further from God which leads to loneliness.

Good news--I am not alone! According to Paul in Romans 7:14-25, he struggled with purposely sinning. Paul then goes on to talk about being freed from sin’s power by The Holy Spirit (Romans 8:2).

As I am trying to teach my son to obey, God is teaching me. 

I would love to hear how you combat blatant disobedience in your life.

Have you taken your spouse on a guilt trip?

Why do we take people we are supposed to love on guilt trips?

• To get what we want---manipulation.
• To deflect sin off of us--we feel guilty and don’t like the feeling. Gets the attention off of us.
• Low self-esteem---I want to feel better about myself. This happens when I can’t forgive myself. Satan has a hold and I have a hard time letting go of past sins. 
• Jealousy--When things are going well for people, why can’t we be happy for them? I want what they have. I judge them. (Someone else must have paid for that, they get handouts, free babysitting so they can go out and have better marriage, etc.) Making excuses for someone else’s happiness and trying to make them feel bad, is NOT the way to build a marriage or friendship. 

I talked about manipulation in my previous post, and guilt trips are a form of manipulation.

The worst way to take your spouse on a guilt trip is by bringing up the past. I am good at this. As a wife and a mother. I am  good about NOT bringing up MY past, but my husband has been a victim of me making him feel bad. This is a form of manipulation because it helps me get what I want.
I take my husband on a guilt trip ride because I feel guilty about something myself. I try to get the attention off of me.

Guilt trips are in no way good. They ruin relationships. They weaken bonds that are formed and they do not build trust. They also instill fear into marriages. There is no safe place and no grace when you bring up past offenses and cause a guilt trip. As wives and mothers, we need to provide a safe place to go where there is grace and forgiveness. I am not saying things may not leave scars, but baggage needs to be dropped off, never to return.

We have to offer forgiveness and if you keep bring up past offenses/taking someone on a guilt trip, I don’t believe that is forgiveness. Not to be confused with scarring.
Forgiveness is talked about A LOT in scripture -- Mt 6:14-15, Mark 11:25, Eph 4:32 just to name a few. I believe harboring unforgiveness and bringing it up hinders prayer time. This can lead to frustration, anger, and discouragement.
So what do we do?
If you have a hard time with guilt trips, pray for God to take away bitterness or other issues that cause you to bring up the past.

Let it go! We need to live with joy! There is no lasting joy with guilt trips. Life is too long and life is too short to live with baggage and guilt trips. I want to be happy! What about you?
Be blessed :)

Have you ever manipulated your husband to get what you want?

I think that as wives we set the tone for our house. It is amazing to me the mood in my home when I am in a good mood. Everyone is happy! If I have a bad day, everyone is affected.

So it should not come as a surprise to me that I can manipulate my husband to get what I want. We all know the phrase: Happy Wife, Happy Life. This can be a power trip.  Sometimes I knew what I was doing, and sometimes not.

Dictionary.com defines manipulate as “to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner”. OUCH! That is not what I want to be known for.

Manipulation is selfish and the Bible talks about being selfish. Examples:

James 3:15 “For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic”, Galatians 5:19-21, Philippians 2:3-5.  Manipulation goes against how God wants us to live. 

What are ways to manipulate?

• One way is making promises you have no intention of keeping. Small example--If you make dinner tonight, I will do it tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, and you go out. Big example-- If we have a child, I will raise it. You will not have to help in anyway.  James 5:12 talks about keeping promises. 
• A second way to manipulate is to withhold something. Classic example--withholding sex. We as wives really have some power here, and this is where we sometimes like to use it.  Of course, there is Scripture reference to that in 1Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer...”
• Another way to manipulate is a guilt trip. I should have seen this one coming. I believe that most of us have been on the receiving end and have witnessed someone else being taken for a guilt trip. This is not healthy for a marriage, or any relationship -- we are told to forgive and not hold a grudge, but guilt trips do neither of those things. I know that I have to be careful as a wife and mother.  Guilt trips are a form of manipulation because they help get us what we want in the wrong way. 

If I manipulate my husband to get what I want, then why do I feel bad in the end? Why am I constantly worried that he is happy? Why would I care? The answer--conviction. I have had The Holy Spirit inside me,  to convict me,  since I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 12. I am so grateful for conviction. I am grateful for a husband who still loves me in spite of my selfishness. 

What other forms of manipulation can you think of? I hope to see some comments so we can encourage and challenge each other to be more of what God wants us to be.

I hope that I can become less selfish and go on less power and guilt trips. 

Be blessed :) 

My article for Unveiled Wife

I feel fortunate to have discovered The Unveiled Wife  community. Her honesty is refreshing and her posts often challenge me.

I had the privilege of writing an article that she posted on her site.
You can click here to read it and read other articles from other wives.
Be blessed :)

A little about The Purple Buoy

My name is Jennifer and I love to encourage others.
In 2002, I married my husband Matt and in 2008 we became parents to our son Declan.
A few things about me:

• Purple is my favorite color
• I love nautical things
• I love to travel and would do it more if money was no option
• We are Buckeye fans (we have to be) 
• However, a little known fact---I am a Notre Dame fan
• I love God, Matt, and Declan in that order. It works better that way
• My favorite devotionals are about women of The Bible

Thank you for stopping by. My prayer is that you find encouragement and see what God is doing in my life.
Be blessed :)