Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Have you taken your spouse on a guilt trip?

Why do we take people we are supposed to love on guilt trips?

  • To get what we want---manipulation.
  • To deflect sin off of us--we feel guilty and don’t like the feeling. Gets the attention off of us.
  • Low self-esteem---I want to feel better about myself. This happens when I can’t forgive myself. Satan has a hold and I have a hard time letting go of past sins. 
  • Jealousy--When things are going well for people, why can’t we be happy for them? I want what they have. I judge them. (Someone else must have paid for that, they get handouts, free babysitting so they can go out and have better marriage, etc.) Making excuses for someone else’s happiness and trying to make them feel bad, is NOT the way to build a marriage or friendship. 

I talked about manipulation in my previous post, and guilt trips are a form of manipulation.

The worst way to take your spouse on a guilt trip is by bringing up the past. I am good at this. As a wife and a mother. I am  good about NOT bringing up MY past, but my husband has been a victim of me making him feel bad. This is a form of manipulation because it helps me get what I want.
I take my husband on a guilt trip ride because I feel guilty about something myself. I try to get the attention off of me.

Guilt trips are in no way good. They ruin relationships. They weaken bonds that are formed and they do not build trust. They also instill fear into marriages. There is no safe place and no grace when you bring up past offenses and cause a guilt trip. As wives and mothers, we need to provide a safe place to go where there is grace and forgiveness. I am not saying things may not leave scars, but baggage needs to be dropped off, never to return.

We have to offer forgiveness and if you keep bring up past offenses/taking someone on a guilt trip, I don’t believe that is forgiveness. Not to be confused with scarring.
Forgiveness is talked about A LOT in scripture -- Mt 6:14-15, Mark 11:25, Eph 4:32 just to name a few. I believe harboring unforgiveness and bringing it up hinders prayer time. This can lead to frustration, anger, and discouragement.
So what do we do?
If you have a hard time with guilt trips, pray for God to take away bitterness or other issues that cause you to bring up the past.

Let it go! We need to live with joy! There is no lasting joy with guilt trips. Life is too long and life is too short to live with baggage and guilt trips. I want to be happy! What about you?
Be blessed :)


  1. Wonderful reminder, as you mature in marriage this doesn't happen as often, but better to nip it in the bud now and live a happier and healthier life, as well as having happy and healthier relationships