Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Have you ever manipulated your husband to get what you want?

I think that as wives we set the tone for our house. It is amazing to me the mood in my home when I am in a good mood. Everyone is happy! If I have a bad day, everyone is affected.

So it should not come as a surprise to me that I can manipulate my husband to get what I want. We all know the phrase: Happy Wife, Happy Life. This can be a power trip.  Sometimes I knew what I was doing, and sometimes not.
Dictionary.com defines manipulate as “to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner”. OUCH! That is not what I want to be known for.

Manipulation is selfish and the Bible talks about being selfish. Examples:
James 3:15 “For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic”, Galatians 5:19-21, Philippians 2:3-5.  Manipulation goes against how God wants us to live. 

What are ways to manipulate?

  • One way is making promises you have no intention of keeping. Small example--If you make dinner tonight, I will do it tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, and you go out. Big example-- If we have a child, I will raise it. You will not have to help in anyway.  James 5:12 talks about keeping promises. 
  • A second way to manipulate is to withhold something. Classic example--withholding sex. We as wives really have some power here, and this is where we sometimes like to use it.  Of course, there is Scripture reference to that in 1Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer...”
  • Another way to manipulate is a guilt trip. I should have seen this one coming. I believe that most of us have been on the receiving end and have witnessed someone else being taken for a guilt trip. This is not healthy for a marriage, or any relationship -- we are told to forgive and not hold a grudge, but guilt trips do neither of those things. I know that I have to be careful as a wife and mother.  Guilt trips are a form of manipulation because they help get us what we want in the wrong way. 
If I manipulate my husband to get what I want, then why do I feel bad in the end? Why am I constantly worried that he is happy? Why would I care? The answer--conviction. I have had The Holy Spirit inside me,  to convict me,  since I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of 12. I am so grateful for conviction. I am grateful for a husband who still loves me in spite of my selfishness. 

What other forms of manipulation can you think of? I hope to see some comments so we can encourage and challenge each other to be more of what God wants us to be.

I hope that I can become less selfish and go on less power and guilt trips. 

Be blessed :) 


  1. Great article Jenny! I am so proud of you!

  2. I'm very impressed with your blog- you did an awesome job! Keep up the good work. :-)

    1. Thank you so much Laura! I do appreciate it.

  3. So funny, manipulation has been huge one my mind the past year with it happening, to us, over clang different family situations. Just brings more confirmation, to bringing it to light, this weekend, to that person, if that makes sense! Good job Jen!

  4. Great Job I am very proud of you and can't wait to see what comes next. Hugs

  5. Hi Jennifer. I am visiting from Kris' "Encore" link up. Your article really made me think. I am sure I've manipulated my husband in the past. This is something I am praying that the Lord will make me more aware of.

  6. Came in from encore and I jumped over here.

    Thanks for sharing and this is a reminder. I do that too, of course in the past, and sometimes at present, but with sweetness hiding as suggestions. I will try to define things so as not to be manipulative.

    Have a good day.